Those
who have been righteous for their entire lives (tzadikim gmurim) don’t stand in the same place as those who turned
to righteousness through repentance (ba’alei
tshuva). This claim of the Talmud (Brachot 34b) seems strange and even counter
intuitive. Looking at two people displaying exemplary behavior, I wouldn’t
expect that what they did or who they were a year ago would make much of a
difference. At this stage in life they seem to be in the same place- doing the
same things. If anything the opposite seems logical. It would seem that the longer
one could maintain his commitment the better. The longer one strives to act
according to their beliefs and manages to overcome the temptations the better.
Presumably they would be on a higher level if either, but the Talmud suggests
that not only are they not equal, but there’s something that tzadik does not have, which the ba’al tshuva does. The claim isn’t that
one is better than the other, just that the tzadik
is missing something.
There
are two characters who, at one point or another, seriously doubted that they
were supposed be in Gryffindor. One of whom didn’t believe that he possessed the
most valued quality of Godrick Gryffindor, courage, and one of whom was worried
that because he had to request that the sorting hat not put him in the house it
wanted to that meant that he didn’t belong there as much as everyone else did.
He was only there because the hat was nice enough to grant his wish. Harry and
Neville expressed doubt in the sorting hat’s choice for them. It’s no coincidence
that the only two people we know of who doubted that they were rightfully placed
in Gryffindor are also the only people we know of who were able to pull
Gryffindor’s sword from the sorting hat, which, as Dumbledore explains, only a
true Gryffindor could do. Rowling draws a direct and clear correlation between
doubt that you belong in a certain place and a true appreciation for what it means
to be there. The key to understanding that correlation is in Dumbledore’s explanation
to Harry not being placed in Slytherin at the end of the 2nd book.
He explains that choosing Gryffindor is the clearest expression that he belongs
there and not the other way around. The significance is in choosing to do
something when it’s not automatically understood.
All Ron knew was Gryffindor. I
wouldn’t expect a well thought out answer from him if I asked why he wouldn’t
want any of the other houses. His mother, Father, and all five brothers were
Gryffindor. He didn’t decide what he wanted. Breaking from the pattern is the
choice- not flowing with it. Black chose to break the pattern. Ron went with
the flow. Because Harry had to choose Gryffindor, he understood why he chose it.
Harry was told by the object whose one purpose in the world was to sort students
into houses that he would do well in Slytherin, he had dreams where he was told
to switch to Slytherin, and he went a year with the entire school thinking that
he was the last remaining descendant of Slytherin himself! If Harry didn’t believe
in what it meant to be a Gryffindor, he would have given in. He would have
connected to what the hat, his thoughts, and his dreams were telling him. He
would have connected to the house of his supposed ancestry. Harry chose to defy
his inclination time and time again because he believed in Gryffindor. You can’t
maintain your resolve that powerfully if it’s a resolve you don’t value or
appreciate. Harry valued Gryffindor, and it was through the tests and through
choosing again and again that he could understand that value better than anyone
else.
Hermione probably never debated
whether or not to express her opinion or stand up for what she believed in.
That element of courage was always an integral part of her. Neville had been
pushed around his entire life. Whether by his grandmother, his enemies, or even
his friends, he was constantly stepped on. When Neville decided to stand up for
himself to Malfoy he appreciated the significance of what he was doing more
than Hermione ever could. Hermione never felt what it was like to be pushed
over. When Neville stood up to Harry, Ron, and Hermione, he did so out of the
incredible value he saw in defending what he believed in because he knows what
it’s like not to be defended. He would never defy others for no reason; that’s
not his personality, and it doesn’t come easy enough to him. Before you do
something against your nature, you ask yourself 100 times if it’s right, do you
believe in it, and why. Every act of courage he put forth was a choice for
idealistic reasons. Every act of courage comes from his appreciation and
admiration for courage and a choice to deploy it for those reasons. By the end
of the series, both Harry and Neville stared Voldemort in the eyes and defied
him. They were the only students to do so. They carried an unmatched appreciation
for the courage that Gryffindor represented because they had to choose it.
There’s reason to continue doing
something even if you don’t fully understand or appreciate it. It’s just what
you’ve always done or it’s the only thing you know so there’s an inclination to
continue. There’s no reason to change what you do for something you don’t understand
or appreciate. A ba’al tshuva’s choice
to lead a new lifestyle reflects an appreciation for Torah, religion, or God,
which is so absolute that it caused them to change their lives. People don’t
decide to accept hundreds of commandments for a weak reason. People don’t choose
to give up their Saturday without thinking twice about why. Taking on new things
against your inclination and against what is easy is never thoughtless. It’s
accompanied with a sense of certainty and appreciation for every detail of what
you do because you asked yourself 100 times why it was important before
starting. It comes with an understanding that keeping Shabbat isn’t just what I
do on Saturdays; it’s connecting to Hashem and his world by joining him in rest
in appreciation of the amazing world he created in six days and his decision to
reflect on its beauty on the seventh. It comes with an understanding that
guarding Hashem’s Torah isn’t just a list of daily Do’s and Don’ts. It’s a way
to turn every detail in life from thoughtless or insignificant into a
significant and elevated way to live, connect, and relate to the world around
you. The beauty of Torah being so complex and difficult is that it demands
understanding it on a certain level before being able to follow. But someone
who chooses every detail of the Torah one by one based on a connection to that
detail and an understanding of it, carries an unmatched appreciation for details
of the life they lead because they had to choose it.
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